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Words of Caution


Of course you know that I must strongly recommend that no one perform any of the pranks, gags, jokes, April Fools, or other bastardly act appearing on this site. This site is for entertainment purposes only! Please do not hurt or destroy other person’s property.

All Out War

Warning: you may start a fire that will burn out of control! When playing practical jokes, there is always the chance you will run into someone who likes to play pranks as much or even more than you do. Things starts out with you playing a small harmless joke on a coworker; for instance, slightly unplugging their keyboard or mouse so everything looks fine but doesn’t work. They then retaliate and pull a fast one on you, like leaving a banana in your desk drawer to rot over the weekend. Telling yourself you will not be outdone, you pull another joke and they are forced to counter until you both escalate the level of pranks to an all out war and you walk out of the office only to find your car has no wheels on it!

You have three options: 1) Only prey on the weak; 2) Make sure the other person thinks you will be the one who truly pushes it “too far”; 3) Stop before the jokes get too far out of hand (or at least let them think you have stopped).

If you only prey on the weak and feeble, you may not have as much fun. With the weak, people will most likely not try to get you back. Sometimes it’s fun to have a few jokes played on you just to keep you on your toes. If you try number 2, you may be wrong and the other person will push the jokes too far. That, my friend, can sometimes lead to jail time. If I run into someone who I think is about to go too far I always opt for number 3. This is because you can always stop before it gets out of hand and then do something a few months down the road when they don’t expect it, like calling them late at night and hanging up the phone or sleeping with their wife.

Collateral Damage

Stop and think before you play any practical jokes on your loved ones and friends. Make sure your joke will cause excessive damage; you do not want to strain your relationships with friends and family or get yourself fired from your job. If you don’t consider the consequences you may be surprised to find that instead of everyone laughing, you cut off your grandpa’s left hand and now everyone is pissed at you. Trust me, although I have never been responsible for the loss of a limb, I do know about taking a joke too far.

For example, I took out an email account with a similar name to my girlfriend’s at Hotmail.com, a free web emailing service. I wrote my girlfriend, who used the same service, and said something like: “Wow, I was just looking through the public email directory and couldn’t help but notice we live in the same city and have the same name, although your middle name is spelled a little different. I just moved here, do you know of anything fun to do in the city?” My girlfriend thought this very strange and did not send a reply to the message.

The next day I wrote another email that said, “I’m not sure if you got my first email, but I just moved here and work up off of North Line street, do you know of any good restaurants in that area? Maybe we could get together for lunch sometime?” The road that I mentioned was conveniently the same road that my girlfriend worked on. Now she was becoming a little concerned.

The next day I wrote, “I don’t know why you haven’t written me back yet. All I wanted to do was get together with you and meet some new people and you don’t even have the common courtesy to email me back you bitch! I have your phone number and address.” Which I of course wrote out for my girlfriend so she could see that it was indeed her address and phone number and this person wasn’t messing around. The email continued, “I apologize if you just haven’t checked your email in the last couple of days. Please write back as soon as possible.”

When I came home from work that day, she was on the phone with her friend telling her the story with a frantic look on her face. As soon as she saw me, she pointed at me, hung up the phone and said, “You! You did it, didn’t you!” It turns out she had contacted the email service to try and track her “stalker” down and was just about to call the police to see if there was anything they could do. I knew at that point, I had gone well over the top and was headed for a freefall.

I thought she would eventually come around and see some humor in the situation but that never happened, so I had to dump her. I know, pretty bad. The point is, try to think of the possible consequences before you pull your practical jokes. As I have learned, stalkers, whether real or figments of someone’s imagination are never funny, at least from the stalkee’s perspective.

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