Fake Knife

I’ve had at least one fake knife for as long as I can remember. The knife that I’ve used for many years has a plain black handle and a plastic shiny blade that retracts into the handle when pressed against someone’s body. This fake knife prank probably should not be used on overweight strangers because you never know when you could tip the scale on some poor fat bastard whose main artery is 99.9% clogged and end up giving them a heart attack. However, the fake knife is a great gag for acquaintances who don’t really know you well or whom you have only met a few times. How do they know you aren’t so unstable that you might assault them with a deadly weapon?

When you attack your victim, it is important to only briefly allow them to see the knife, so they don’t spot it as a fake. Just let them get a quick look and then deliver your strike. The great thing about this joke is the person immediately knows you didn’t mean them any harm and they feel both relieved and idiotic for being duped so thoroughly.

I once pulled this joke off to great success on a high school teacher. I made sure that he had a good sense of humor before choosing him. I walked up to him with a concerned look on my face, my arm outstretched, and with the knife in an open palm and said, “Mr. Hoothe, look what I just found in the boys bathroom.” I proceeded to quickly wrap my fingers around the handle and jab the knife into his portly belly. He tried to unsuccessfully avert contact with the oncoming blade just as others usually react; by sticking his rear out and bowing his midsection while the contortion on his face combined both utter surprise and horror at the fact someone he vaguely knew was actually stabbing him and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

You might try pulling this on your coworkers or even your boss. While the fake knife is a great gag for anyone to use, it is especially poignant when used by a knife salesperson or a knife handler. Wouldn’t you love to see someone pull this out on those guys selling knives on the home shopping network!