Humans have an innate ability to cry. Most babies come out of the hatch wailing away and will learn to bawl to get what they want, namely food. Growing older, children sometimes pout, suckering their parents into feeling sorry for them, to get their way. Society has generally frowned upon this use of body language and our parents teach us from an early age that crying and throwing a fit is “no way to act.” Later in life, few of us recall how powerful of a tool crying in front of others can actually be. When something doesn’t go your way or your girlfriend is yelling at you and you want to evoke great emotions from your significant other, just start moping, looking depressed, sniffle, and shed some tears. From their perspective they will think they have went too far and have completely hurt your feelings. “Are you ok?” they ask. Hell yes, but you don’t have to tell them they are tears of joy. My girlfriend once referred to this practice as, “emotional blackmail.” Make them feel bad for a little while and then let them know your were just kidding. If you have problems generating fake tears, here are a couple of pointers:
- tilt your head down and contort your face to look as though you are grieving to get your sinuses working,
- think of the worst thing that could happen to you or recall a tragic event, such as your father dying,
- breath and sniffle with jolty halting breathes,
- and for some reason suck your gut in and clench it.
You might have to work at conjuring up some fake tears by yourself a few times but after you have it down, you will have added another useful tool in your arsenal for deceiving your closest family members.